My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
