If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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