I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I didn't shave. On purpose
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
