sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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