i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
