I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
