I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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