He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
