was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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