I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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