My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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