He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize