So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
