I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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