i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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