If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
