APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
