I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
