one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
