Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
only you would photoshop your dick
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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