Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize