he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
