Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
