i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
