i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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