Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
