also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
