You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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