I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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