I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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