Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
