btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
