He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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