hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize