can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
