i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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