it's too hot outside to masturbate.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
