it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
