Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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