I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
