I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
