my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
