just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
