My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
