Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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