you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
