I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
