drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
