You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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