Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize