Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
