wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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