I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize