I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
