youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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