From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
