I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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