i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
