did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
