I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
