He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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