I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
