I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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