the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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