WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
