i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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