1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
