Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
