I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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