i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
