there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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