worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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