I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
