Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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