I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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