Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
