I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
