Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
