And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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