i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
