I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
