it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
