The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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