I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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