I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
