Are we in a gay sports bar?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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