remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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