no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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