She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
