i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
