I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
