I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
