I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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