I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
