he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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