I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
