mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
