Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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