The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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