If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
