So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
