I need help removing her.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
